So, Sunday night at sundown begins Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. It’s a day marked by fasting and prayer, and though I’m not Jewish, I have to say, taking a day to think about your year and the things you could have done differently seems like a good idea.
Thankfully, I’m nearly perfect, and have nothing to atone for.
Just kidding – I have plenty to atone for – mostly to do with angry thoughts, and actions provoked by those thoughts – for example, I flipped off that mean, controlling crossing guard on Thompson Lane nearly every workday this year (thankfully we finally moved offices). It wasn’t overt, but that middle finger came out more often than not. She never noticed. I don’t think it really hurt her, but I should probably atone.
I haven’t taken Lola for enough walks. Furthermore, I have looked at puppies online when I have a perfectly good senior dog at home. Low-grade puppy lust is the bane of my existence. I lusted in my heart – and Lola deserves better.
I should floss more. I should call my sister more often. I should give more to charity. I wish I had spent more time at Zumba. I also wish I had watched more sitcoms. I need to be more active politically – even if I don’t have money, I do have time. Sort of.
I atone for my messy house, my disorganized attic, and my weed-choked garden. I am apologetic for all the times I took a nap when I could have done something constructive. Actually, I’m not sorry for napping, so I am sorry I lied about being contrite for napping, when actually I regret nothing and would take a nap right now if I could.
I am remorseful all the times I thought I was smarter than my co-workers because they used the wrong two/to/too or said something like “alls I’m saying”, “mute point”, or wrote “your welcome” in an e mail. I should realize that being literate is good, but being open-minded toward people who haven’t mastered their native language is better.
I am sorry for all the times I gossiped, and sorry for all the times I missed out on hearing good gossip, which I would have felt bad for spreading, had I heard it.
I am sorry for all the mean and hateful thoughts I have had toward my colleague who cannot seem to show up to work or come back from lunch in a timely fashion. I should show compassion for her blatantly rude and selfish behavior – and barring compassion, I should at least confront her when she parks in the 30 minute visitor spot, rather than plotting to leave a fake parking warning on her car.
Please forgive me for my debts, Chase Bank and Vanderbilt Hospital. I’ll get you your money eventually, and please know that your checks are in the mail (not really, but they will be once I get paid). But seriously - $570 for an ER visit for an abscessed tonsil? Let’s hope that Vanderbilt does some atoning of its own.
I am sorry for anyone in the service industry in this past year that I may have snapped at due to their lax attitude or general inability to serve me in a manner which I found acceptable. I’m not saying you didn’t have it coming, but I should have let it slide. Mea culpa.
My deepest regrets to Las Paletas, the Nashville Sounds, and the Chattanooga Lookouts – I let this summer pass me by without enjoying you nearly enough. I promise to indulge more often next year.
To my hairdresser – I am sorry I am defecting to a different stylist at the same salon this weekend, but I think you find me boring and have given up on me creatively, and also, you smell like your recent smoke break every time we meet. While it’s true that I have many requests and limitations that make me a pain in the ass, I still want to look as good as the next girl.
I wish I’d gotten to the mountains more. And swam in the waterfall more, and of course I feel bad that we killed that rattlesnake.
For every time I uttered a PG-13 (or worse) phrase, for all the times I complained, or rolled my eyes, I ask forgiveness. For the times I procrastinated, lollygagged, shirked and goldbricked, I am sorry.
I should have eaten less candy, saved more money, lost more weight and put on lipstick more often. I should have been more patient, more confident, and more forgiving. I should have been less anxious, less critical and less agitated. I probably could have argued less and listened more.
But other than that, I'd say it was a pretty good year.
Whew – I feel better.
Now, who wants brisket?
Thankfully, I’m nearly perfect, and have nothing to atone for.
Just kidding – I have plenty to atone for – mostly to do with angry thoughts, and actions provoked by those thoughts – for example, I flipped off that mean, controlling crossing guard on Thompson Lane nearly every workday this year (thankfully we finally moved offices). It wasn’t overt, but that middle finger came out more often than not. She never noticed. I don’t think it really hurt her, but I should probably atone.
I haven’t taken Lola for enough walks. Furthermore, I have looked at puppies online when I have a perfectly good senior dog at home. Low-grade puppy lust is the bane of my existence. I lusted in my heart – and Lola deserves better.
I should floss more. I should call my sister more often. I should give more to charity. I wish I had spent more time at Zumba. I also wish I had watched more sitcoms. I need to be more active politically – even if I don’t have money, I do have time. Sort of.
I atone for my messy house, my disorganized attic, and my weed-choked garden. I am apologetic for all the times I took a nap when I could have done something constructive. Actually, I’m not sorry for napping, so I am sorry I lied about being contrite for napping, when actually I regret nothing and would take a nap right now if I could.
I am remorseful all the times I thought I was smarter than my co-workers because they used the wrong two/to/too or said something like “alls I’m saying”, “mute point”, or wrote “your welcome” in an e mail. I should realize that being literate is good, but being open-minded toward people who haven’t mastered their native language is better.
I am sorry for all the times I gossiped, and sorry for all the times I missed out on hearing good gossip, which I would have felt bad for spreading, had I heard it.
I am sorry for all the mean and hateful thoughts I have had toward my colleague who cannot seem to show up to work or come back from lunch in a timely fashion. I should show compassion for her blatantly rude and selfish behavior – and barring compassion, I should at least confront her when she parks in the 30 minute visitor spot, rather than plotting to leave a fake parking warning on her car.
Please forgive me for my debts, Chase Bank and Vanderbilt Hospital. I’ll get you your money eventually, and please know that your checks are in the mail (not really, but they will be once I get paid). But seriously - $570 for an ER visit for an abscessed tonsil? Let’s hope that Vanderbilt does some atoning of its own.
I am sorry for anyone in the service industry in this past year that I may have snapped at due to their lax attitude or general inability to serve me in a manner which I found acceptable. I’m not saying you didn’t have it coming, but I should have let it slide. Mea culpa.
My deepest regrets to Las Paletas, the Nashville Sounds, and the Chattanooga Lookouts – I let this summer pass me by without enjoying you nearly enough. I promise to indulge more often next year.
To my hairdresser – I am sorry I am defecting to a different stylist at the same salon this weekend, but I think you find me boring and have given up on me creatively, and also, you smell like your recent smoke break every time we meet. While it’s true that I have many requests and limitations that make me a pain in the ass, I still want to look as good as the next girl.
I wish I’d gotten to the mountains more. And swam in the waterfall more, and of course I feel bad that we killed that rattlesnake.
For every time I uttered a PG-13 (or worse) phrase, for all the times I complained, or rolled my eyes, I ask forgiveness. For the times I procrastinated, lollygagged, shirked and goldbricked, I am sorry.
I should have eaten less candy, saved more money, lost more weight and put on lipstick more often. I should have been more patient, more confident, and more forgiving. I should have been less anxious, less critical and less agitated. I probably could have argued less and listened more.
But other than that, I'd say it was a pretty good year.
Whew – I feel better.
Now, who wants brisket?
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