Wednesday, June 24, 2015

On the road. Again.

When I was in elementary school, we went to Music Class once a week with Mrs. F.  She was a lovely, cheerful woman who had us sing, play rhythm instruments and even, on a few occasions, dance.  Mrs. F was really good friends with Mrs. H.  Eventually, they divorced Misters F and H, respectively, and became even better friends.  Ahem.


I remember a ton of the stuff we sang.  There was a text book that we used - Harcourt Brace?  Houghton Mifflin?  Doesn't matter.  I loved it. I think most people tolerated it.

At some point - I'm going to say it was 4th or 5th Grade we learned a song called "Roll on Columbia" by Woody Guthrie (Arlo's Dad? Perhaps you have heard of him?).  At the time, Ban roll-on had a bunch of ads running, and we all made a connection, snicker, snicker.

But I loved the song.  It was about this river, in a place I never dreamed of.  Here, over 30 years after I sang it are what I remember of the lyrics:

Green Douglas Fir where the waters cut through
Down her wild mountains and canyons she flew
Canadian Northwest to the ocean so blue
Roll on, Columbia, roll on.

Roll on Columbia, roll on
Roll on Columbia, roll on
Your power is turning our darkness to dawn
So roll on Columbia, roll on

OK, so there was a second verse that had a line in it about the Yakima, Snake and the Hood River, too.   Beyond that, I don't recall.  Although, I did Google the lyrics and find my memory to be quite sharp, thanks.

We learned, at the time we sang the song that the line about power/darkness that it was referring to hydroelectric power.  I remember learning that in conjunction with the song.  I distinctly remember that I always hoped that in music class, even into Middle School, I always hoped someone would hear me singing, and tell me what a beautiful voice I had.  I don't have a great voice.  It's in tune, and it's not unpleasant. But it's not, you know, heartbreakingly beautiful.  It's nice.  I've gotten solos.  It's fine.

Anyway enough about my unique, husky, solo-quality voice...

This week I'm back in Pasco, WA.  And guess what river runs smack-dab ass through Pasco?

And this, folks, is the view from my room.  Specifically, the balcony of my room.

Because life is too damn short to suffer another night at a sketchy Best Western.

Although in this case, the power turning darkness to dawn is solar, not hydro.

Roll on,


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Old, New, Feathers, Blue

I've been to two weddings this past month - one was for my cousins oldest daughter - the other was for two people I've never met - I was there as a photographer's assistant.

My cousin is about 26, I think?  She and her husband met in college, and moved to LA together, and they're sweet together.

The other wedding was an older couple, both previously married - widowed.  They were in, I'm guessing, their late sixties. 

Both weddings were held at private homes, with pastures as a backdrop.

They were night and day, in a lot of respects - with one major, unusual theme in common:

Livestock Gone Wild!

At the cousin's wedding, before the ceremony, I looked out in the pasture behind us and saw a horse with a massive erect penis.  I kept it together because I'm classy as hell, but of course I cataloged it in my sick brain.  Because horse schlong is huge and unforgettable.

At the wedding this weekend, there were a herd of beef cattle out in the pasture, and I gazed out to find the bull humping one of the lady bovine.   Later, I watched one of the cows pee, which amuses me to no end because it's like a fire hose.  Projectile urination.

So, you won't see it in bridal magazines til Spring, but you heard it here first.  Soon, unpredictable farm animals will be de rigeur at all the best events.  Will a goat lick another goat's balls?  Will a chicken lay an egg in the flowers at the altar?  Will a ewe butt the flower girl and eat her bouquet?

It could be that this was just a coincidence.  But isn't a series of coincidences basically a trend?


I rest my case.


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Shimmy, Shimmy Ko Ko Bop

Everything's coming up Milhouse!

I've grilled out three nights in a row - now, sure - it's been a lot of red meat, but still - home cooking.

I also got to try the amazing breakfast at Edley's BBQ.  Any menu item called The Big Nasty has to be good - and this was - a chicken biscuit with sausage gravy.

I had a nap this afternoon.  An hour - and I slept hard, woke up drooling.

There are berries chilling in the fridge waiting to be paired with Angel Food Cake and Cool Whip.   Judge not.  I love the Whip.

The precious pup is resting on the couch after a day with lots of activity - so she's going to sleep well tonight.

Look, Ma!  No cavities.

I've been researching how to keep my Tempurpedic mattress cooler at night, and apparently, I'm not the only person who overheats at night.  So that's comforting.  And, there are solutions.

If I haven't mentioned it recently, I'm so in love with Amy Schumer.  She's just funny, smart and crude.  The total package.  She's also adorable:

That's kind of it from here.  I am watching a little hockey, about to eat some dessert...

Weekends are good.  Especially the ones that start out a no-travel week.


Monday, June 8, 2015

Dream On

So, in the early morning hours today, I had a dream that I was at an after party for an improv show.  And Seth Rogen came up to me. 

And he said, "Girl, that body... it just says... LEAVING."  And then he went on to specifically criticize what was wrong with me.

I got fat shamed.  By SETH ROGEN.  In a dream that I CRAFTED.  I was the head writer, and the star, and Seth Rogen was still a dick to me.

I had some other weird dreams - one where my father was coming down some stairs, another where Piper peed all over the floor of my parents' bedroom.

Safe to say, I'm under some stress, dammit.

We have this little fledgling cardinal in the back yard.

I am so attached it's disturbing... but look at this little peeper:

It's a cardinal fledgling, and I'm IN LOVE.

The birds are trying to tell me something.

What, I know not.

And with that - have a good evening. Sweeter dreams.


Wednesday, June 3, 2015

This, that and the other...

I saw another red-winged blackbird yesterday, in Washington state.  They're finding me, I think.

Tomorrow is the hard day at my training site.  They have been terrific, I cannot say enough how nice they are.

One of my favorite customers today messaged to tell me they didn't renew.  I know it's nothing I did, or didn't do - but it still feels personal.  He did tell me that they're going to hire a trainer.  Truth be told, if I lived in that state, I'd apply.  It would be traveling all over that state to different sites, and I'd be great.  I think he told me that because he wanted me to consider it.  He's tried to get me to come work there before.

But I don't live there, and that's pretty much the end of that.

So, I think tonight I'll relax, watch some crap tv and prepare for tomorrow.

Because, that...I can do.